Sunday, November 11, 2007

Shooting The Moon

Every now and then I realize that I am a very difficult person. A person who no longer talks to me (there are many such) had said that I am not everyone’s cup of tea. It came as a surprise to me the moment she said so. I had assumed that I am one of the most amicable people I know, someone who tries to give space, is sensitive to difference of behavior, understanding, attitude and choices. How the hell am I difficult then? What she said affected me and that instant, resentment spawned. Without telling her that I didn’t give two shits about what she thinks I started rationalizing for the good of me and rendering her daft; for my own good too. And there I recognized my very own defense mechanism. Superb I must say.

A defense mechanism works in a dilemmatic direction for me. One, whatever you find untoward about me reflects your own personality flaw in an equal measure as it does mine. So maybe instead of telling me that I am so and so you can try your hand at the charity-begins-at-home routine and root out the flaws which you think are mine, but are actually yours. I have also observed that voicing these thoughts is not helpful in taking the conversation or the relationship forward in a positive manner.

I know what’s wrong with you, I can tell you that. God help you if you think the same.

Two, my doing something like this is exactly the reason why I am not anyone’s cup of tea. Not that I have not tried not doing this, but I can’t stand anyone farting in my face and expecting me to open my nostrils wide.

1 comment:

Ravi said...

Hi man, how are you, and how is the oyster treating you?
And I am missing this one occupant of a particular room in C-wing in one of those nondescript hostels of this one institute in eastern India...
Strangely, it's hard to admit that, as much schmaltzy and warm it may sound to recount your bearings in the last few years as an outsider, the harder it is to accept that I stay there too, in a different corner although and gainst my express wishes and blatant desires, I will, eventually, like you did, return to those shacks... Again, as someone... someone different probably.

Why the fuck do I have to be an "engineer" and more pertinently, behave like one for the rest of my life?